rromantic: (hug)
I never saw Brokeback Mountain, and I never knew Heath Ledger.

If you tell me you don't really cry when watching movies, but there are some that make you sob like a little girl, then those movies are flagged in my life with warning signs, alarms, and red painted over the title.

If it moved you, it's going to kill me.

Brokeback Mountain is one of those. Which is why my heart is breaking this morning and I'm crying with you over an actor that was talented enough to make a movie so intense and beautiful and emotional that I won't be able to watch it. Ever. Especially since I now know he'll never do it again.

I'm not patting you on the back with a "there-there," I'm fucking clinging to you... because for me it might not be Heath Ledger, but I know what it's like to lose a part of you, someone that meant more than most RL people in your life, because of their depth, their beauty, simply for who they were. I know what it's like to have that person plucked from your life.

Funny thing, timing. I dared thinking about that missing piece of my soul over the last couple of weeks for the first time in five years, he's as much with me this morning as Heath is with you.

*tears streaming, hugs you*
rromantic: (noses)
I’m not old enough (I think?!) that it can be menopause. I’m not at any of the 7 white dots on the Pill’s monthly circle of 30… and yet, I’ve not been as emotional in a long time, as I have been over the last couple of days.

It does seem, however, that it’s somehow music-related.

My [livejournal.com profile] qafmaniac Bubbly-song played over the radio minutes ago, and yyeess… of course, on cue, I cried. Which reminded me of an email I sent to [livejournal.com profile] freakykat a while ago, about THE most beautiful love song in Afrikaans, but which I haven’t listened to in more than 5 years, and haven’t talked about in as long.

I’ve not been able to find a more perfect Afrikaans song for BJ.

(Let me know if you want the song, we'll make plan to get pass this bitch of an internet connection on my side, and get it to you!)
My life changed that night, for the better, I think. )


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May 2009

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