rromantic: (gigglesnorts)
(Stole this from [livejournal.com profile] turtletwins: kisses to you and your gbf, my love!!)

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how fucking good I feel right now.
rromantic: (Default)
1. If you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" You're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's bathroom is the world; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte"... If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too...

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slooow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge of being a fudgepacker.
rromantic: (Default)
Christmas cake recipe, courtesy of me and Gnu... and a bottle of Tequila! :)

have a giggle )

Merry Christmas to my beautiful flist, may you have a fabulously beautiful day!
rromantic: (Default)
Patat's just fallen asleep, half of her on my lap, the other half (her back legs) spread over my laptop's keyboard.

I get the message.

So I'm turning in for the night, and leaving you with this:

A flea ran into a bar, slammed back 5 whiskey's, ran out, jumped into the air, and fell flat on his ass on the pavement. Getting up he shouts, "Oh fuck, my dog's been stolen!"

OMG, that cracks me up!!!!! :))

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May 2009

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